Dark Lord Convention
by draco-is-the-punk
Summary: Lord Voldemort, Darth Sidious and Sauron hold a meeting to decide how to deal with their problems. Will Sidious's cunning plan work? Read to find out! LoTRHPStar Wars crossover!


Lord Voldemort sighed, looking at his watch.

"He's late," he told his brother. Darth Sidious shifted in his chair.

"I'm sure he just got held up in traffic," he said, picked at a loose thread on his dark robes. Voldemort sighed again, leaning back, taking a glazed doughnut from a box on the table and biting into it. He wiped the sugar from his mouth, and glared at the ceiling. Sauron was always late.

Suddenly they heard footsteps outside. Somebody knocked twice, and an impatient voice called out

"Hey? You there? Guys?"

It was Sauron's voice. Voldemort fumbled in his pocket for his wand to open the door, but his brother beat him to it, using his dark power over the Force to pull the door open.

"Show off," Voldemort muttered. Sidious was the elder of the two, and the favourite son since childhood. Voldemort often felt in his brother's shadow, and hated when Sidious beat him at something.

Sauron sat down and grabbed a doughnut. If Voldemort sometimes felt like an outcast, he was nothing compared to Sauron. But the difference was that Sauron did it deliberately. Instead of the customary black robes worn by the other members of the group, Sauron chose to put on heavy silver armour. He also lived all by himself atop a massive tower. At least the other two had their minions and apprentices to keep them company.

"So, what's up?" Sauron asked, drumming his fingers on the wooden table top. Sidious looked pointedly at him, but Sauron ignored him.

"We are here to discuss our multiple problems." Voldemort supplied.

"Problems?"

"Yes, our problems. I happen to have an annoying teenager attempting to destroy me. My brother has also an annoying teenager attempting to destroy him. And you, you have some little creature attempting to destroy your… ring."

"It's the ring of power, dude!" Sauron said. The others made derisive noises.

"Well, what we mean to say is, we need a solution to all our problems." Sidious continued.

"Well, how about we all travel to Earth, kill the Barry guy. Then off to wherever, kill your Jedi moron, and then we all come to Middle Earth, obliterate the Hobbits."

Voldemort shook his head.

"No, we have rules that we must adhere to. We aren't allowed to mess with the plot in that way."

"Then what?" Sauron asked. Voldemort shrugged, looking at his sibling for help. Sidious cleared his throat.

"Well, we can't do that…. but there is nothing in the rules about switching the heroes themselves."

Sauron sat up straight.

"How do you mean?"

"Well, it's easy. They won't be able to beat the wrong dark lord, now will they? So the Jedi goes to Earth, the wizard goes to Middle Earth, and I get the Hobbit."

The others considered.

"It's a good idea," Voldemort said grudgingly. Sidious looked smug.

"So it's settled then?"

"Yeah, it should work," Sauron yawned. The others stood up, and Sidious banged on the table.

"Meeting adjourned,"

"See you when we've taken over our worlds!" Voldemort grinned.

* * *

Harry Potter yawned and rolled over. He felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Mr Frodo?"

"Go to sleep Ron."

"What have you done with Mr Frodo?!"

He opened his eyes. A small man was shaking him vigorously, a short sword pointed at his throat. Harry yelped and scrambled away.

"Who… who are you? Where am I?"

For Harry was clearly not in the Gryffindor dormitory. He was lying on hard rocks, on what seemed to be a mountain. When the little guy saw that Harry was just as horrified as himself, he lowered his sword a little, still looking very scared.

"Begging your p-pardon sir, but w-who are you?"

"H-Harry Potter. I'm a w-wizard."

"A wizard? A real wizard?"

Harry pulled out his wand and transfigured a rock into a loaf of bread. His dwarfish companion looked at him in delight.

"You are a wizard! Do you know Gandalf?"

"Uh who?"

"Tallish bloke, long beard, pointy hat…"

"Sounds like Dumbledore, but he's dead now…"

"So's Gandalf! It must be the same guy!"

"Sorry, but what exactly are you? Some kind of dwarf?"

"No, sir, I'm a Hobbit sir. Samwise Gamgee, Mr Potter."

Harry was strongly reminded of Dobby. He had never heard of a hobbit, but then, nothing in this situation was normal. He suddenly noticed something lying on the ground.

"What's this?" he asked, lifting up the ring. Sam stared.

"That's the One Ring, sir. It has been the quest of my master, Mr Frodo, to destroy this evil object, and therefore defeat the Dark Lord."

"Voldemort? Is this ring one of the Horcruxes?" Harry asked excitedly. Sam blinked.

"What?" he said, blankly. "The Dark Lord is Sauron, sir."

Harry stared. He was obviously dreaming. Maybe if he helped this hobbit guy annihilate this ring he would wake up. He pointed his wand at the small band of metal, and levitated it. The ring soared above their heads, and fell into the volcano. For a moment everything was silent. Then there was a massive explosion. The volcano was collapsing!

"Run!" Harry bellowing, seizing Sam's arm. Sam was staring at the young wizard in shock and amazement as he allowed himself to be dragged along.

* * *

Luke Skywalker murmured in his sleep, clutching his pillow to him. He felt a sharp blow to the top of his head, and sat up quickly. A teenage boy with flaming red hair was pointing a thin piece of wood at him and looking very scared.

"Who are you and where is Harry?" the kid demanded. Luke blinked at him.

"Who are _you_? Where am I?" he asked. The boy was wearing some kind of cloak and was clearly unsettled in his mind. Then again, Luke was not feeling particularly sane himself. Was this a dream? Another training exercise set up by Yoda? No, Master Yoda was dead. He remembered now.

"R-Ron Weasley," the kid stammered, lowering his stick.

"Luke Skywalker. I'm a Jedi."

"Right…." the kid said, backing away. He bumped into a girl with bushy brown hair who had just entered the room.

"Oof! Ronald!"

"Hermione!"

"What are you doing? Where's Harry?"

"He's gone! And this guy was in his place!"

Hermione stared at Luke, who was feeling very self conscious. He pulled away the duvet and got up, checking that his lightsaber was still safe in his belt. It was a good job he wore his clothes to bed, rather than pyjamas.

"Harry can't have gone! It's nearly time for the final battle! Harry is the only one who can defeat Voldemort!"

Ron flinched, but Hermione ignored him. She glared at Luke as if he had made this happen.

"Well, there's nothing for it. We'll have to try without Harry. And you, wait here!" she ordered. Luke sat back down on the bed, and the others disappeared. He heard shouting, and looked outside. A fierce battle was raging on the grass below. The two kids he had just met were just joining in, firing light out of their sticks. Not a very effective way to fight, Luke though. Maybe he should help them? He supposed Voldemort was the tall guy in the black robes who was laughing like a maniac.

Luke sighed, and walked out of the room. He followed the screams until he reached the oak front doors. He walked out into the battle, and crept up behind Voldemort, using the Force to stop anybody from seeing him. Voldemort laughed evilly, pointing his own bit of wood at the redhead kid, Ron. Luke quickly drew his lightsaber and thrust it towards the Dark Lord. Voldemort screamed, and fell to the ground, writhing in agony. Ron and Hermione lowered their sticks, mouths agape as they stared at Luke. Voldemort twisted into ashes, and the wind carried him away.

* * *

Frodo opened his eyes, feeling as if a great weight had been lifted. He blinked sleepily, and felt for the ring. It wasn't there! He sat up, looking around him. He wasn't on Mount Doom, and where was Sam? He was in a huge black shiny room, and he had clearly been asleep on the floor. Had he been captured? What was going on? Two of the Big People were over the other side of the room he was in. They were wearing very strange clothes.

"Who are you, and where is the Ring?" Frodo demanded, much more bravely than he felt, since they were much bigger than he was. They stared at him.

"Intruder!" one of them bellowed. The other grabbed him by the scruff of the neck, looking him up and down.

"Ah, he's only a child," the man sneered. "He can't be the Jedi our Lord Sidious searches for."

His companion frowned, prodding and poking Frodo. Frodo squirmed and yelled, kicking at the man with his hard little feet.

"Nevertheless, we should take him to the Emperor before making a decision."

Frodo was dragged along a passageway by the two guards. They took him through a pair of jet black doors and dumped him on the floor. Then they bowed themselves out. Frodo looked up to see a very tall man, clad in a black hooded robe. The hobbit shivered as the man surveyed him.

"So, you are the hobbit thing?"

Frodo nodded dumbly. He had no idea who this was, but he knew he wasn't nice. He reminded Frodo of the Nazgul. The robed figure suddenly contorted, and a jet of black lightning flew from his hand at Frodo. Frodo dodged quickly, and the lightning hit the wall.

"Aargh, I forgot you were so small," Sidious muttered. He pulled out a thin metal tube, and pressed something on the side. A jet of red light appeared out of the end, and the man swung it at Frodo. Without thinking, Frodo pulled out his sword Sting, and blocked the stroke. Sidious stared at the hobbit in shock.

"That's impossible… my lightsaber should cut right through this!"

"This is no ordinary blade," Frodo breathed, feeling more courageous by the second. He jabbed at Sidious with his sword. The man hissed, drawing back, blood running down his wrist.

"Ahhh… the Force is strong with this one!"

"I don't know what you're talking about, but you won't win!" Frodo panted. "Elendil! _Et Eärello Endorenna utúlien. Sinome maruvan ar Hildinyar tenn' Ambar-metta_!!!"

Frodo slashed his blade through the air. His opponent was much taller, but Frodo had the advantage. Sidious was not the youngest of men, and he could not twist and turn in the same way as the young hobbit. Frodo weaved and ducked, twisting and turning, jabbing here and there with his sword. He felt adrenaline course through him. He could actually win this! But then Sidious made a gesture with his hand, and Frodo smashed against the wall.

"I use the Force," Sidious growled, clutching his injuries. He lifted Frodo into the air by his throat. The hobbit choked and spluttered, floating feet above the ground. Then the door swung open, and another cloaked figure burst through the door.

"Torturing children now master?" the man demanded. "And where is my son? You killed my son!"

This man was burlier than Sidious, and was wearing some sort of crude helmet. Sidious dropped Frodo on the floor, where he lay, clutching his throat, unable to move.

"Your son is not dead, Lord Vader!" Sidious told the man. Vader laughed mirthlessly.

"If he was alive I would feel his presence! You murdered my only son, and now you seek to butcher this child!"

"Remember the Younglings, Vader? You are not so perfect!"

"Who told me to kill them?" Vader demanded. If his voice was not generated by a machine, he would have been shouting. "You tricked me! You said you would spare my wife, and you lied, and then you told me that I killed her and you _lied_."

Vader strode to the old man, and lifted him up, throwing him bodily down a ventilation shaft.

* * *

Sidious coughed nervously, and then knocked on the door. He walked straight through it, and looked at the others. Voldemort and Sauron looked coldly at him, Voldemort attempting to cover up the huge burn hole through his abdomen. Sidious glided over, his transparent hand held out for his brother to shake. Voldemort ignored it.

"Got any other bright ideas?" Sauron asked sarcastically.


End file.
